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Puerto Vallarta Strip Clubs
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Beware of the taxi drivers. In many Mexican cities, a good taxista is a valuable ally when looking for a strip club. In Puerto Vallarta, taxi drivers can double their daily wages by taking you to the worst ripoff places in town. The driver will tell you how dangerous going to a strip club is. He'll talk about how you'll be overcharged, cheated, treated without respect and pressured to tip constantly unless you go where he suggests. When you agree, the asshole will deliver you to the very place he's warning you about. They are paid a commission. The doorman sees the taxista delivering a Norte Americano, and either charges you a huge cover or pads your bill. Either way, you've just paid extra to have the worst possible strip club experience in P.V. It's an organized ripoff, and legal. If you're new to the Mexican strip club experience, click here. It's very different than the U.S. or Canada. Your lack of information could cost you dearly. There are a lot of complaints about padded tabs in Puerto Vallarta strip clubs, so consider paying as you go. (The only other city with a widespread problem like this is Monterrey.)
Puerto Vallarta has at least a dozen strip clubs, and many are outstanding. They are located in three areas. Within each of the areas, you'll find several options. It can be dizzying, like winning the lottery and wondering what to do first. If it's your first time in PV, there's an excellent company called Red Zone Tours. Basically, it's an American guy that shows out-of-towners the local sex scene for a grand total of $100. (If you have 3 friends, the price drops to $50 per person.) The tour operator picks you up, drives you to the strip clubs with the best value, and returns you to your hotel or condo when you're done. Each tour is customized to your budget and taste. You'll receive VIP treatment in the places where the Mexicans and experienced mongers go. Want to know where the best street girls hang out? Red Zone Tours will drive you there. Want the location of a happy ending massage parlor? Want to experience a real Mexican brothel, where you can enjoy a passionate Mexican girl for about $50 USD an hour? If you like escorts, Red Zone Tours can also recommend beautiful girls exactly to your taste. The owners of Red Zone Tours know all the hotels, and can recommend either how to get the girl into your room or the closest short term hotel where they rent inexpensive rooms for 6 hours. You'll learn prices, the local ripoff scams, where to go and where NOT to go. Experienced mongers normally look down on this type of tour. We found 4 different people who tried Red Zone Tours. Everyone says that it's worth the money and a lot of fun. There are no negative reviews. Remember, the $100 includes pickup and return to your hotel. It's much cheaper than a taxi.
Puerto Vallarta is growing, and the entire coastline of the Bay of Banderas is filling in. It's hard to issue blanket recommendations for strip clubs. If you took a taxi from the strip club furthest north to the club furthest south, the taxi ride could cost $500 pesos one way. However, here are your three best bets for strip clubs in P.V. Many guys want an estimate of the total cost for an evening, which can be difficult. One guy might nurse two beers all night, buy two dances and be perfectly thrilled with a CBJ in 15 minutes with the eager, chubby gordita no one else wants. Another guy might have a half dozen snifters of expensive brandy, buy dances and chica drinks all night long and insist on ass f***ing the prettiest girl in the club back in his hotel, paying the club to release her. Total estimates figure 6 regular drinks for you, 4 drinks or dances for your escort(s), and one hour full service sex without extras.
Prestige - This is a VIP club with VIP pricing. It is not for everyone. Go to Prestige if you aren't troubled by spending between $600 and $1,500 USD (or more) per person for the entire evening. Girls range from 6 to 10 on a 10 scale. This estimated price includes your cover, drinks for you and the escorts, dances and one hour in a private room with the girl of your choice. The girls at Prestige are prettier. The facility is very nice. The private rooms where you have sex with the girls are clean and nicely appointed. Expensive, but a sure thing.
Mi Fantasia - Furthest south in the old Romantic Zone. This is an intermediate club, and brand new. It's two stories, and has areas quiet enough to talk to the girls. Stages are downstairs, VIP areas upstairs. Nothing fancy, but clean and well run. Figure on spending $200 to $500 USD for an evening of drinking, lap dances and one hour in a private room with the girl of your choice. Girls range from 5 to 8 on a 10 scale.
El Y Ella - Further North, near WalMart and the cruise ship docks. You'll save money here because of the drink special; order a jarra (pitcher) of beer or wine for $650 pesos and take it into a private room with the girl of your choice. This may be the best strip club value in Puerto Vallarta. Rooms are nice. You can drink, talk, touch and have sex, and time is not monitored too closely. (Remember to buy condoms in advance.) Total cost for an evening of drinking, dances and full service sex, $200 to $500 USD.
Definite rip off joints. Stay away. In these Puerto Vallarta strip clubs, everyone involved wants as much money from you for the least value returned. From owners to management to the dancers right down to the doorman....these clubs are high pressure from the moment you arrive. Some clubs don't deliver good value, but aren't dishonest about it. They're not on this list. They may not be a bargain, but you can still have a good time. (Stravaganza, for example, is famous for having ordinary chicas for cheap sex. It's low rent, but you get what you pay for.) The ripoff clubs will pad your bill and call the cops if you don't pay. In these clubs, their whores are taught to drink fast and demand more. They overcharge for sex and never meet your expectations.
Divinas - Divanas strip club may be closed now, which is karmic justice.
Aquah - Your worst strip club nightmare. Aquah is across the street from Presige, the best VIP strip club in Puerto Vallarta. Talk about "the wrong side of the street"! You start by paying a commission to the taxi in the form of a cover. You'll be harassed constantly to make big tips by everyone from the doorman (who just ripped you off for the taxi commission, and now expects a tip on top) to the many waiters, procurers of woman and the dancers themselves. Expect to be overcharged and cheated every time you order a drink, a dance or a privado. Run a tab, and your price could easily double. The pressure is constant. Everything is expensive and watered down.
Las Conejitas - Next door to El y Ella. At least Divinas and Aquah have nice facilities and pretty girls. At Las Conejitas, the format is the same, only it's uglier. It's a high pressure rip off joint, but with a third world atmosphere. Las Conejitas is dirty and shabby, with ugly and mean spirited hookers constantly making demands. They are often closed. Yikes!
All the Puerto Vallarta strip clubs are listed below, except those we've just warned you about. We're not advertising ripoff clubs in Puerto Vallarta or anywhere else. For more information, contact Red Zone Tours.
|Recommended. High End VIP bar. Beautiful women, clean and comfortable. Expect to be well taken care of, and $500 to $1,000 USD lighter by the end of the night. If you know what you're getting into and can afford it, it'll be a night to remember.|
|Recommended. Mid-range club with low end prices. Pick a girl and order a jarra of beer or wine for $650. You'll be given a private room for you and your escort to drink it in. Hint: It's a private room and she's an escort. Bring a condom. Possibly the best value in Puerto Vallarta.|
|Recommended. Brand new, and about as far south as you can go in the Romantic Zone. Two stories, with stages and bar below and VIP above. Not fancy, but well run and very comfortable.|
|Very expensive, similar to Prestige. Lots of girls, and first class facilities.|
|Taboo is a high end dinner club, with lots of beautiful escorts wanting expensive drinks. If your significant other wants to have dinner and see a strip club, consider Taboo.|
|Hysteria is another high end option strip club option in P.V.. Expensive and elegant, with lots of beautiful women. They do have an option of buying a bottle that you can share with your escort.|
|The Osiris strip club chain has another winner here. Same owners as Prestige and Hysteria. These owners are as concerned about their reputation as they are about making money. Like the other clubs, they have beautiful women, a nice atmosphere and relatively high prices. There is a lower cost Osiris in Bucerias, on the road to Sayulita, San Blas, Mazatlan, and Tepic.|
|Lots of plain girls mixed in with a few pretty ones. Like neighboring WalMart, Stravanganza has lots of affordable options with emphasis on price rather than quality.|
|Waaay far North, (past the Airport) is Rolex. Rolex has outside patios to take the escorts away from the loud music for a quiet(er) drink. Surprisingly good choice of girls for an out-of-the-way strip club. Like El y Ella, Rolex has $650 peso jarras (pitchers) of beer and wine you can drink with your favorite dancer in a private room. House charge for 30 minutes with the girl is $350, plus whatever you and the girl agree to. Could be worth the trip.|
|Wet Dreams is a high end gay bar. You may not be looking for gay sex in Puerto Vallarta, but these guys know how to dress!|